A Fresh View On Valentines Day

Ok, so today is Valentines day. Normally I would be feeling sorry for myself on this day because I am not in a relationship or because I am in a relationship where I feel unappreciated, disrespected or taken advantage of.  No matter the situation, today would normally be the day that I sit back and dwell on how unhappy I am with my relationship status or lack thereof.  Today would normally be the day that I sit at my desk and watch all the flower bouquets, chocolate and over sized stuffed animals parade through my office and put a smile on my face as I say through clenched teeth "Oh , how sweet someone cares about you" when really all I want to do is tear the head off of the annoyingly cute teddy bear and pour bleach into someones vase of beautiful red roses watch them slowly wither to their imminent death.

Normally....but not today.  Today I am determined to create a "new normal" for myself.  Today I am not going to feel sorry for myself because I am not in the relationship of my dreams but be thankful for the people in my life that truly do care about  me.  And even thought I am not expecteing  any Valentine gifts this year (unless you include any hand-made cards from my three boys) I will still delight in seeing all the Valentine gift deliveries parade through my office.  Knowing that somebody cares about somebody. 

This day will no longer be a day that I anticipate with dread in my heart but embrace with a sincere heart.  So with that being said I want to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day!!

My "AHA" Moment

This journey began with me wanting to figure out what I was doing wrong or should do differently in order to have a successful, long lasting, fulfilling relationship and now has turned into me stumbling onto a path of self realization in a way.  I am learning that picking the wrong guys or giving the wrong signals is only a very small part of the problem. I have to re-evaluate who I am as a person. Which I have been doing.  It started with me deciding to become celibate, which I have not been for very long.  But since I have taken my focus off of that part of my life and re-directed it into my kids, my job, my finances, my faith I am realizing that I have spent my whole life chasing after the thought of being with somebody or in a relationship.  This is the way that I defined myself and my self worth.  If I was not with someone or if I was not attractive to someone then in my mind I was not valid.  I did not exist in a way.  Now it sounds so silly and I can't help but wonder why I felt this way but I know that I did.  I filled my mind with thoughts of "does he like me", "if not then why not", " does he like her, and what does she have that I don't" trivial thoughts, well at the time they were not trival to me at all.  They were the questions that helped me to measure my self worth in a sense. 

But now that I am trying to re-focus I am seeing things so differently.  What use to matter to me then just does not hold any weight in my life whatsoever now.  And it is a freeing feeling that I thank God for.  I am now the person that decides wether or not I am "good enough" and not anyone else.  If there is something that I don't like about myself then I fix it but not to please anyone else but me.  If I come across someone that  is not happy with the way that I wear my hair or with the fact that I don' t want to have sex with them, I no longer feel the pressure to change anything just for them in fear that they may disapprove and leave.  I actually prefer that they do leave. 

I have also decided to revisit my faith.  I have gone back to church. Even though I have never been much for organized religon for some reason right now it feels right.  Maybe it is because I am doing this because I want to and not because someone else thinks that I should.  Or because I want to make an impression of some sort.  My heart and my mind is in the right place and that is being focused on myself and my children.  I am optimistic that the rest of my life will fall into place as long as I continue to place due importance on the things that matter the most.  When this happens then the right person for me will come along.....I am sure of it.

Will and Jada Pinkett Divorce?

Another one bites the dust.  At least that is what the rumors are saying. Apparently Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are having some serious relationship troubles and are heading towards divorce.  Say it ain't so!  I would really hate for them to brake up because I think they are a beautiful example of a strong relationship.  A wonderful reminder that even though it may seem like finding "the one" is impossible (to say the least) it can actually be done.

Although, I must remind myself that these are "just rumors".  Someone from their camp says that they have relationship issues just like the rest of us but are definitely not headed towards divorce.  I sure hop this is true...but we have all heard this before and then three weeks later they will be scheduling a press conference to announce their amicable split and promising to remain friends.  Will, I will be keeping my fingers crossed.  Whatever it is I know y'all can work it out.  No one ever said that marriage was easy.